Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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