I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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