I understand Curling. That high.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize