Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think my moral compass just broke
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
