I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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