Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
