i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
