well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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