this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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