sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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