If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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