i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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