You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
