I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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