you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
