I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
