I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
