I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
