I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
