he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
