This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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