garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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