somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
