i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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