16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
