shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
