I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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