I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
