If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
