why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
