I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
