he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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