if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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