my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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