Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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