I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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