He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
