I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
