so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
