Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
