I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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