Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
