Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
