I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
