i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
