Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
