I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
