i wish peter jackson would direct porn
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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