Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
And then he peed in my hair
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize