We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
