So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think my mom watched the whole time
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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