I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
