Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
