i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
time to smoke my breakfast
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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