i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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