who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
