my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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