why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
