I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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