went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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