Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
