he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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