Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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