i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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