hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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