I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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