Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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