i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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