Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
