it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
