oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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