you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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