I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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