angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My penis needs a shock collar
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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