ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
