Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
