My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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