There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
