dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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