so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
