he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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