Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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