The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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