I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my sisters under your porch take her home
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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