Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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