I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
