On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
