Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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