Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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