your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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