pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
