I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
