I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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