I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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