An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
