Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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