That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
