Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
