I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
