Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
