Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
