Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
