operation harelip BJ is a go
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
