i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
