All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
