so that wasnt chicken after all
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize