the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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